The Blade Trilogy

We watched the Blade trilogy: Blade, Blade 2, Blade Trinity. Trinity?


Blade


Possibly the worst DVD menu in history. What that counts toward this movie review is actually extremely important. Being the film connossieur I am - and you are not - you would not care about this. That's why I have a blog and you don't. Why does biting into humans have to be so erotic?
- L

I used to watch this film a lot being one of the early DVDs I bought when I was a kid. It's a really grim flick that I still don't really know what to make of. Kris Kristofferson is in it which is a REALLY strong start. Wesley Snipes, darkest man in the universe is in it too which is fun. There's not a lot to the story. It's just a vampire flick with some vampire hunting and ends in a fist fight. Why do so many films end in fist fights? Is it some kind of social commentary or some junk? Anyway this flick is fun but it's kind of depressing.
- Mike

Vampires + black guy + pure hatred = no more vampires.
- AJ


Blade 2


Since when can't a sword not cut through bone? Unstabbable hearts? Ridiculous.
- L

I like this one the best because Guillermo Del Toro directed it and he rules (sup The Hobbit, 2011/2012). It's got the best action and the best design for creatures and everything. There's some dude who's jaw opens up real wide like a snake or something and he has something to do with the story but generally it's just more vampire hunting. It all looks really cool. Wesley smiles a lot which is pretty funny in context and that Scud sidekick guy really sucked. I'd have edited him out of the film if I were Guillermo. I think it ended in a fist fight too. Oh well. Not every Del Toro film can end with a little spanish girl dying. Actually they probably all could, it just wouldn't make sense. The end of this is actually heaps like the end of 30 Days of Night which is weird.
- Mike

Black guy + more vampires + pure hatred = no vampires.
- AJ


Blade Trinity


I'm annoyed that the blind lady died. As if they would make that happen because she was so innocent. I thoroughly enjoyed Ryan Reynolds' smart alec comments to his captors. Reminds me of me except 15kg lighter, 15% less body fat, taller and ex-vampire.
- L

Trinity? This film was really annoying. Ryan Reynolds gets third rate punch lines that undermine his comedic talent and make him look completely stupid although he is fairly buff. Triple H shows up (why?), Parker Posey is in there somewhere, same with Jessica Biel. They don't do heaps. The vampire hunting league (or something) have a blind lady who does most of their work which was pretty silly. John Michael Higgins is wasted in a weird little role which attempts to poke fun at how vampires have gotten media attention. Lame movie.
- Mike

Black guy + vampires + pure hatred = no more vampires.
- AJ


Trilogy Summary

I wonder: if we had watched this in the daytime, would all the light have been absorbed by Wesley Snipe's blackness?
-L

Could have left it at the two films. I think I'm slowly learning that trilogies have to be pre-conceived to be of any use at all. Stuff like this is just cash-in gimmicky junk.
- Mike

Black sunglasses + black leather + black man = pure darkness.
- AJ


Trilogy Grade

58.16/100.
- L
65/100.
- Mike

50/100.
- AJ